It was a biting winter day and I had been roaming around an icy golf course. Tears freezing on my cheeks, I fell down in the snow and cried to a God I did not know. "I feel dead! How can I still be living? There's no help for me anywhere! I'm dead." Though I didn't know Him in a personal way, God Almighty knew me. To my astonishment He has rescued me and has made me His handmaiden.
The formal, joyless religious environment to which I'd been exposed as a child had no spiritual vitality and gave me no true grasp of Christian beliefs. The New Age Movement with all of its creative imaging and infinite human potential seemed perfect for me! Evenings were spent playing in "Guys and Dolls", "Funny Girl", Moliere or Noel Coward, but my days were spent sipping carrot juice and delving into the mysteries of Eastern and Earth-based Religions. I was becoming immersed in mystical, syncretistic thinking. Eventually, my life was consumed with philosophical searching and occultism.
"There is a way which seems right to a man,
but its end is the way of death." (Proverbs 14:12 & 16:25)
"The gods of this age have blinded the minds of unbelievers ,
so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ,
Who is the image of God." (2 Corinthians 4 : 4)
Because of the blinding of the enemy, and my own willful rebellion and curiosity, I was very far from knowing God's commands and honoring His will. I therefore experienced heavy oppression, clinical depression and - I've come to realize - demonic possession. The last years of the 1970's were heavy and dark with mind-confusion and fear.
Angry and terrifying thoughts had completely overtaken my thinking. Off and on for years I was driven to the brink of despair. Self-condemnation and remorse filled my waking hours. I was convinced that suicide was the only way out. Each time I tried, SomeOne intervened. However I eventually experienced a total collapse.
Now I know, as with the Psalmist: "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees." (Psalms 119:71)
In His mercy and love for me, God had finally brought me to the very end of myself. Any ability of my "own" that I had trusted in was utterly useless. While staggering around that frozen golf course, crying out to the empty, gray, winter sky, I saw no solution. But soon the message of God's hope came through a faithful Christian woman in my hometown. On this occasion she said: "Vinnie, I'm very worried about you! Don't you know that all you're looking for is found in the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ?"
Revolutionary! Could He really be ALIVE? And could He actually know ME?
It seemed too personal to be possible. My doubt, inward insecurity, monumental guilt and self-hatred blocked my acceptance for a while. But then, out of desperation, I turned to Him in child-like trust. I had nothing to offer Him but a broken heart and a demolished will.
The Lord Jesus Christ graciously came into my heart and life and powerfully delivered me from the mind-set and all the demonic attachments that had held me captive.
"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness … that through these you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of passion and become partakers of the divine nature."
(2 Peter 1: 3,4)
"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were yet
sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5 : 8)
"And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." (John 8 : 32)
The intoxicating indulgences and accompanying guilt of drug and alcohol misuse, uncommitted sex, idolatrous theatrical ambition, abortion, and counterfeit spirituality were miraculously crucified with Christ. As I have been able to appropriate, in a personal way, His finished work of redemption and sanctification, the Lord Jesus has given me abundant life and joy.
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation: all things are
passed away; behold, all things become new." (2 Corinthians 5 : 17)
"For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
(Colossians 3 : 3)
Having been liberated from the force of darkness which masquerades as "light", at last I'm free to delight the heart of my Heavenly Father. My joy is to use His gifts for His glory! By His grace and using His Word, I have composed many songs in a broad range of musical styles; what a joy and privilege now to perform them. The testimony of mercy and grace which Abba has given to me is summed up in David's proclamation found in
Psalm 40: 1-3, quoted here from the Amplified Bible.
"I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord, and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of a horrible pit - a pit of tumult and of destruction - out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a Rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings. And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear - revere and worship - and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord."
"Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
the Lord answered me and set me free." Psalms 118:5
At the age of four, I began dancing and singing with my parents and older sister in and near our home in Central Pennsylvania. The purpose of this - I was taught - was to bring lightheartedness and joy into other people's lives. I loved doing so! Community theatre and studies at Penn State in Theatre Arts solidified my commitment to make theatre my life's love and work. In the mid-1960's I moved to New York, trained at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, and then began working in the professional theatre. During travels and tours (regional, dinner & repertory theatres in Dallas, Phoenix, Denver, Tampa, New Orleans, Louisville, Springfield, MA, Atlanta, Houston, and Los Angeles etc.) I always sought out health/ natural food stores, gravitating as well toward 'spiritual' book stores, esoteric study groups, and yoga centers. During the 60's these were all far from the mainstream. Increasingly I became immersed in the 'quest-for-truth.' I always believed the answer was "God", but I didn't know who or what that meant.
~ Background/Bio ~
"Hope springs eternal in
the human breast"